Learning that someone you care for is being bullied can be painful. No one wants a friend or loved one to feel internal or external pain.
The reasons, cause and effect behaviors, and thoughts and emotions which cause bullying vary greatly. As you lean in and learn more, you can enter into conversations with a healthy perspective. In order to do so, we suggest to:
· Build Them Up
· Point To Help
· Educate Yourself
For a more in-depth discussion about these points, check out the video below.
What To Do When Someone Shares? - Discussion
Can I Intervene In A Case Of Bullying?
If you believe someone you care for is in danger of being bullied, it can be easy to become frozen, unsure what to do or how to help. You may wonder how to intervene. In many instances, you may not be present when they are being bullied. This complicates things.
I know—because I have been there myself. But, there have been a few key factors which have helped me work through the options and knowing what is right.
My Personal #1 – If it feels like time to act—it probably is. But acting, may not mean immediate confrontation of a bully. It might mean getting in touch with an education system, community leader, family, friend, or someone who is present when bullying is occurring and can intervene in the proper channels.
The Real #1 – If the situation of bullying involves assault and if you are a mandated reporter, and you learn someone within your influence is in an threat of harm or danger—either at their own hand or someone else’s—it is time to act.
Legal requirements vary from state to state. I would encourage you to check with your local laws and follow the stated course of action. That being said—make sure you also are following your organization’s policy and procedures to make sure the right people have been informed and the person you care for is receiving the best form of support and guidance from your whole team.
Reiterating Why You Offer Support
When an individual struggles because of bullying, they often are caught in a mental battle of wondering why they are worth your time, effort, or care.
The question in their mind constantly is, “Why someone would want to help me?”
They may also believe help will be temporary until someone sees them as a burden or as a person who is just “too much.” Because of these factors, It is important for those offering support to be a continual source of reassurance in why you want to support them—why you want to see them reach a place of wholeness.
This does not mean they dictate our lives or we cater to every whim. That is not what I am talking about. Healthy boundaries are important in every relationship, even ones which have serious complications in the midst.
Yet, I believe one of the best things we can do for someone who is struggling with mental health is to continuously and consistently reiterate the why behind our actions.
So, “Why would anyone want to help someone who is fighting to shift the story of bullying?”
I wholeheartedly believe it is because our care for that person gives us compassion and insight into three things: their future, their pathway, and their value.
Their Future
You have an intrinsic belief that as someone you care for walks a path of wholeness and healing—they have a future.
Their Pathway
You may not have the professional skill to offer the treatment or healing needed, yet you want to be with them on their pathway as they seek it out. You want to offer tangible guidance and see them win in the journey.
Their Value
You have a foundational belief—that the person you care for has value. When you speak with them—it is directly tied into a personal reason why you believe they matter, have importance, and that the outcome of their life is important to you.
Reiterating Why You Offer Support - Video Discussion
The Obstacles In Offering Help
It is fair to talk about the obstacles someone you care for may meet along their journey. It is incredibly tough to watch them face one or all of the following. I acknowledge the fact these moments can create tremendous setback or make it difficult for them, or maybe even you, to want to continue to fight for wholeness. I encourage you to continue to seek support and encouragement for yourself as you journey alongside of them. May you have the strength to continue to fight on.
· Help Seems Hopeless
· A Question Of Worth
· Lack Of Energy
· Disappointing Attempts
For a more in-depth discussion about these points, including guidance on how to overcome them, check out the video below.
The Obstacles In Offering Help - Video Discussion
What To Do When A Student Pushes Back
Getting push back when you try to help, is frustrating. As you engage with them, remember it is important to:
Go at their pace.
Own what is yours.
And yet, know this may not be about you.
Recognize push back is often overcome by:
Being consistent.
Stating why you are for them.
Reaffirming them.
Apologizing for previous disappointments.
Lastly, be honest. It might be good to share how their behavior made you feel.
For a more in-depth discussion about these points, and how to overcome them, check out the video below.
When A Loved On Pushes Back - Video Discussion
How Change Your Narrative Offers Support
It takes courage to begin a journey to seek wholeness. Though many of us will face individual struggles in our own life—there are some struggles which feel as if they have the power to take the pen and write our future. But you are the author—not any pain, brokenness, or hurt of your past and present.
The goal of Change Your Narrative is to create an environment of support along with hosting resources and tools which guide you towards wholeness.
One thought constantly pushes me towards the future. I would ask you the same question:
What if tomorrow was stronger than yesterday?
We are rooting for you, not only once you complete your journey, but every step through it.
If you are looking for a guide to help you process your story and walk a journey of wholeness - we would love to partner with you in the Bullying Matters - Change Your Narrative Video Mentorship Guide.
Check out a sneak peak here: